


To Be In Your Arms Again

by GreyForceUser (ReyandKyloforever)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ben Solo Lives, Eventual Smut, F/M, Force Dyad (Star Wars), Inappropriate Use of the Force, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Redeemed Ben Solo, Second Chances, Slow Burn, The Force, The Force Ships It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-30
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 06:27:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22011532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReyandKyloforever/pseuds/GreyForceUser
Summary: ---------Proceed with Caution  -  Spoilers from The Rise of Skywalker be here----------The Force works in mysterious ways, especially when you are part of a Force Dyad. Though freshly-minted redeemed Ben Solo gives up his life so Rey can live, the Force has other plans. Ben wakes up in a strange place where the Force is slightly different. Rey can feel her bond with Ben is still there, that he is not dead, but she doesn't know where he is. With Rey's help, Ben must find his way back to her. Title based on the song "From the Grave" by James Arthur,For the Throne: Music Inspired by the HBO Series Game of Thrones
Relationships: Kylo Ren & Rey, Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 70
Kudos: 164
Collections: TROS Reylo Fix-it Fics





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> \-------- Proceed with Caution - Spoilers from The Rise of Skywalker be here ---------
> 
> This story picks up from the final moments on Exegol.
> 
> Conceived from the song "From the Grave" by James Arthur, _For the Throne: Music Inspired by the HBO Series Game of Thrones_

Chapter 1

He comes back to consciousness with an abrupt jerk. Confusion rolls through him as he lifts his head and searches his surroundings. _Where is he? What happened? Where is Rey?_ It's like Snoke's throne room all over again. Waking up injured and alone.

_Wait, why is he awake at all?_

He felt himself die in her arms, after the happiest moment of his life. After all this time, after all he's done, he finally kissed Rey's beautiful lips. The lips that had thrown so many names at him during the course of their tumultuous relationship. Murderous snake, monster, liar. He remembers all of them in exquisitely painful detail.

He remembers one name most of all. He's replayed it in his mind over and over again this last year, too many times to count. When she called him _Ben_. He treasured those moments she used the name everyone in the First Order had been forbidden to speak. His heart raced, so alive those few times he heard her melodic voice form the word. He tried so hard to bury that weak boy who felt too much, but all she had to do was call him by his birth name that first time and the shell that encased his heart had been cracked open for good.

To hear her say it in his final moments, what a gift she gave him. The woman he lo-.

He swallows the lump in his throat and shakes his head of those thoughts. He needs to figure out where he is and what has happened. As he pushes himself to stand it is evident that he is no longer on Exegol. He is clearly somewhere else and he is certain Rey is not with him. But where he is, he does not know.

********

She's holding him, _him_! _She's holding Ben!_ Rey is reveling in the most beautiful smile she's ever seen when he becomes a heavy weight in her arms and falls backward. Her brow furrows and as she stares at him for a few moments before his form dissipates leaving only his clothing behind, sinking to the floor in excruciatingly slow motion. Rey is so shocked she can't react properly. Her heart is thumping wildly in her chest but her brain won't let her comprehend what she has just witnessed. _He was just right here in my arms! No, he can't be gone!_

She pushes herself to stand and looks around the annihilated throne room, taking in the damage, the dead guards and the destroyed stadium. She hears the crumbling of the structure in various locations all around her. She has to go. _Now._

She looks back down at Ben's clothes, left behind when his body faded away. Puzzled, she doesn't feel the end of their bond. She closes her eyes and reaches within. She does not find the gaping hole of pain she expected to, just a wall. She feels the hollowness of where he should be, but not pain. It's not so different than what it's always felt like. It doesn't feel like the connection is gone, just blocked, like something is in the way.

_But how can that be? If they are a Dyad in Force, two that are one, shouldn't she feel pain at him dying? Shouldn't she feel like she's lost a part of herself? Why didn't she feel him pass into the Force? Like she felt with Luke? Like she felt with Leia?_

She felt both Skywalkers leave this plane of existence. The feeling of her Master passing was so strong it shook off the hold the Darkside had on her when she stabbed Ben with his own lightsaber. No, she did _not_ feel Ben leave. Their connection was so much stronger than the one to Leia, she should have felt him die. It's confusing but it gives her a tiny spark of hope that holds her tears at bay. _Maybe he is not really gone._

As the Emperor's throne room begins to cave further in on itself, she has no more time to question what has happened or revel in their long-awaited kiss; she has to leave. 

She looks to where he gave his life force to her and vows vehemently, "This is not over. I _will_ find you and bring you _back_ , Ben. I promise."

She gathers up his clothes from the barren floor, retrieves the sabers and begins to make her way to the surface. She comes across the corpses of the Knights of Ren and knows this is where she and Ben saw each other through their bond. She closes her eyes and feels out through the Force around her. 

She can sense the battle that took place here, how badly the Knights were thrashing him and her eyes prick with tears at the brutal beating he takes. That is, until their bond activated. _Did he call for her or did the Force connect them on its own?_ She'll have plenty of time to contemplate that later.

She feels his despair and anger that he is too late, that he will not get to her in time. Then her heart clenches as she sees again the way his expression immediately softens the moment their eyes meet through the bond, a thousand words are conveyed through his gaze alone. _Gods those eyes. They always did give him away._

The sensation of awe fills her as Ben pulls the lightsaber out from behind his back, though whether it is her own or that of the enemies surrounding him, she does not know. Without warning an almost hysterical bark of laughter erupts from her throat at what she sees next. He actually shrugged his shoulders at them! A side of the man she loves that she did not get the chance to know. She shakes her head to push that thought away.

Awe turns to fear and she marvels at his skill and confidence as he fights. The determination and efficiency in his movements. He is truly a sight to behold and she holds back tears as he defeats his foes one by one, as quickly as he can. All so he can get to her.

She finds a blaster discarded on the ground and feels his signature; she senses that he ran with it, blasting his way into the structure. When she picks up the weapon, she can see the guard he shoots without looking, the way he slides out from in between the stone walls, ready to fire and she smiles. _Gods, but he's dramatic._

She takes the blaster with her to the surface. She climbs into the tie fighter and pulls out his heavy cloak but much to her consternation doesn't find his lightsaber. She is stunned for a moment when she considers he didn't have his lightsaber, she had to give him one. _Why was that?_ The planet is quaking from the star destroyers falling from the sky and there is no more time to waste.

Ben flew here in an old empire-style tie fighter and she realizes he must have found a working one on Kef Bir, where she left him stranded. She assumes he must have found a working ship somewhere in the Death Star ruins. Force only knows how long it took him to find one.

She shakes her head and grins at his resourcefulness, which as a former scavenger she can only admire with the utmost respect. Increasing her pace, she hurries to settle herself inside the cockpit of Red Five, stowing Ben's belongings behind the pilot's seat.

Reversing the navigation of the Sith Wayfinder through the nebula, she returns to Ajan Kloss and joins in the celebrations that are well underway when she lands. She gasps a sob of relief as soon as she lands and feels the signatures of her family. Chewie, Finn, Poe, and Rose have survived the siege above Exegol. She searches for them through the throngs of revelers. Once she sees them, she runs over and clutches Finn and Poe close to herself. Her adopted, self-made family is alive. Safe.

She lets herself cry now. The feeling of being in the warm embrace of her closest friends breaks the dam she erected to hold back the tears. She cries in relief that they won, that her friends are here, that galaxy is free of an evil that has dominated it for over 50 standard years. She cries for Leia, her Master and confidant. The only one who knew about her connection to Ben. 

Though truthfully, the tears she's shedding now are the ones she's held back for Ben from Exegol. She knows in her heart he is not truly gone, but she can't help but weep that he is not here with her right now, celebrating their victory over the Emperor. Rejoicing in his return to the light, basking in the joy that he finally overcame his darkness and haunted past to become who he was truly meant to be. _A hero_.

Mostly she cries because he is not here holding her in his arms, his warm bare hand is not cradling her neck, he is not here kissing her. They are not celebrating they are finally together after all this time. She cries for the realization of the vision she had over a year ago, when the Force let them touch fingers through time and space across the galaxy. And when that miraculous moment came, it was she and Ben, standing together, both raising blue lightsabers, completely in-sync with each other, ready to fight side by side. 

It was beyond beautiful. She could hardly believe it was happening. She had convinced herself that the vision was just a wistful dream that perished when he asked her to join him on the Darkside. But then, there he was standing in front of her, his Kylo Ren persona completely gone, and everything was different. _He_ was different. The way he looked at her when they stood face to face, she could feel his love, his determination, his light. It was shining so brightly in him. She felt as if the final cog in an engine was slotting into place inside her, making her heart soar. 

She sobs at her joy that he actually came back for her, only to leave her again so quickly. 

_Doesn't she deserve to be happy? Hasn't she been alone long enough?_

Yes, she belongs to the Resistance, but when she thinks about her family here, this isn't all she wants. She wants, has wanted, to be seen. Ben has always been the one to see her. He's the one who truly knows her, knows her struggle, her pain, her joy, her shame, her desires. He sees her for everything that she is, the good and the bad and he accepts all of it. She wants to feel that love she felt pouring from him on Exegol. She wants to drown in it and never come up for air. But he's not here for her to do that.

Her friends hold her until the racking of her body slows and she is able to calm down. 

Once more in control of her emotions, she goes off to search for Chewie, then Maz.

Maz takes them to where Leia was when she died.

"She was holding Han's medal when she died. I'm not sure why," Maz explains.

Rey looks to the cot where her Master laid and presses her lips together. Now that she has allowed herself to cry, the tears at the loss of Leia come quickly. Chewie moans in sadness.

"How did it happen?" Rey asks as she wipes the moisture from her cheeks.

Maz answers in that sage way she always does. "It was the Force. She felt something from her son. Kaydel brought her back here to rest."

Rey sniffs and nods. "He and I were battling. Then just when he had the upper hand, out of nowhere he just stopped fighting. He turned away from me and dropped his saber." She couldn't bear to tell them what happened next. Not yet.

"She called to him, then. To stop him. It took all of her life force to get through his defenses. She's known for a long time what it would take to reach her son. It's why she waited so long after Crait to do so," the old woman explained. "She needed to train you. Make sure you had what you needed before she left."

The Wookie growls and grunts, filling Rey in on the rest of the story of the General's death. 

"She didn't disappear into the Force right away? But...but Ben--," Rey cries.

"What, my child. What about Ben?"

Rey's eyes pool with tears, her gaze shifting between Chewie and Maz.

"Kylo - Ben - he turned. He came back to the light. He saved me --," her voice cracks and breaks off with a sob.

Maz comes and takes one of her hands in both of hers, stroking the back of her hand soothingly.

"Tell us, Rey. Tell us how he came back," the elder woman encourages. Chewie trills his encouragement.

"I --," she starts and stops. She takes a deep breath to steady herself to continue. "When he dropped his saber, I caught it and struck him. Right through his chest.

"Then I felt Leia. I felt her die and it shook me back to reality. I looked at my hand and I saw what I had done and I didn't even remember doing it. The dark side...it was so strong there…" her voice trails off, her eyes now focused elsewhere as she remembers it all in horrible vivid detail.

"I couldn't believe I'd done it. I never wanted to hurt him or kill him. And I couldn't...I couldn't let him die like that. I knelt beside him and put my hand on his chest. I transferred my life force energy into him, healing his wound," she pauses to swallow the lump that has lodged itself in her throat. "I looked up at him, and he was staring at me. He didn't understand what I was doing, healing him. 

"When it was done, the emotion on his face was so...I couldn't hold in the truth anymore. I told him I did want to take his hand when he offered it to me, that I wanted to take Ben's hand," her tears now flowing freely as she tells them of the moment she confessed her true feelings to him.

"I was so ashamed of what I'd done. I let myself be taken over by the dark side. I let my anger take control. I had to leave, go somewhere I couldn't hurt anyone else. So I picked up my saber and stole his ship."

Chewie mewls a question at her and her gaze shifts to him.

"Ahch-to. When I landed I destroyed his ship. I thought I needed to stay there to protect everyone. From me. From what I could become."

"My child, that was your fear speaking," Maz says softly.

"That's what Luke said," she responded soberly. Chewie moans and Rey nods at him.

"Yeah, he finally came to me. He told me that facing fear is the destiny of a Jedi, that it was my destiny. I knew I had to go to Exegol to face Palpatine."

"So you did get the Wayfinder from the Death Star?"

"I did, actually. But Ben - Kylo - when he got there he wanted me to give in to the dark side. He crushed it and that's when I started swinging. I only remember bits and pieces. It's like...it was me but it wasn't me. I can't explain it." Her face scrunches up as she tried to make sense of her recollections.

"The dark side preys on your fears and your anger. It can be a potent influence on a Force user," Maz advises.

The giant Wookie asks her another question in a series of growls. Rey turns her gaze to him again, shaking her head.

"I don't know what happened to him next. I didn't see him again until he was on Exegol."

"Ben went to Exegol? To find you?" the humanoid questioned, now animated at the turn in the story.

Rey's eyes now land on Maz.

"Yes, he came to help me. He had completely shed Kylo Ren off him like it was a second skin. He looked different, he moved differently, he _felt_ different. I could feel the light inside him more than I ever could before."

Maz nodded knowingly at the younger woman. "It must have been both you and Leia, you both finally reached him."

"Maz, he defeated the entire Knights of Ren by himself. It was incredible! He came to me and we faced the Emperor together, side by side. But when I gave Ben the lightsaber through the Force to fight the knights, the Emperor knew we were connected and he drained us of our life force, knocking us out before we could do anything."

Rey halts when she sees her two companions share look at her revelation about the bond she shares with Ben and Chewie is howling again.

She smiles at him. "Yeah, Chewie. I'm connected to Ben through the Force." 

He growls again and she huffs out a laugh. "It is pretty incredible," she replies, her cheeks dimpling. 

"The next thing I knew, I woke up alone on the floor. The Emperor was pulsing Force lightning up into the sky and I could see all the Resistance ships failing. I was out of energy; I thought it was over. So I did the only thing I could think of: I reached out through the Force for the Jedi that came before me and they finally answered," she says excitedly, awe dawning across her features.

"I heard them, Luke, Leia and so many more. They helped me get up and face the Emperor again. I deflected the Force lightning back on to him with the lightsabers and it destroyed him. For good. And then...then I died."

Chewie roars in pain and Maz gasps in shock.

"I did. I felt myself die and everything become black. Then there was a warm hand on my stomach and I open my eyes to see Ben holding me. He transferred his life force energy into me." There are tears in her eyes again because how can there not be? _He willingly gave his life for hers._

"We had only a moment together before his face became pale and blank. He fell backward onto the floor and then he was gone. His body disappeared. Just his clothes remained." 

She's looking at Maz with a question in her eyes now, her brow is furrowed and her lips are pursed and trembling.

"I can't be sure, but I think when Ben disappeared, that's when Leia did too. I was right with her when it happened. I wondered why it didn't happen right away when she passed," Maz answers the unspoken question, sadness in her voice. "When she faded, the Force felt like peace and purpose. Perhaps she was waiting for her son." 

"There's something else, though, Maz. I didn't feel him pass into the Force as I did with Leia and Luke. It was different. And I still feel our connection. It's not the same, but it's still there, it's not gone."

Maz tilts her head and contemplates this revelation for a moment. "Hmm," she hums. "I'm afraid I don't know enough about Force Bonds, child. Luke and Leia shared one but I don't believe they could see each other or pass items through the Force. It was more of a feeling."

"Ben said it was called a dyad in the Force, two that are one. I don't really know what that means either, but we could see each other, talk, touch, fight and pass things. He pulled a necklace off me through the Force when I was on Pasaana. It's how I knew I could give him the lightsaber," Rey replies, hoping Maz can make sense of their connection and what's happened to Ben.

"A dyad in the Force? I thought that was a myth," Maz blurts out, surprise written on her features.

Chewie rumbles at her and Maz.

"No, I don't remember coming across anything about this in the Jedi texts."

Chewie speaks again in a string of howls and warbles.

"You're right, I need to find out more," she agrees with her faithful friend. "I'm heading out tomorrow."

The Wookie yowls his assent and pulls her into one of his signature all-encompassing hugs.

"I will, Chewie. I know Ben is out there, somewhere, and I _will_ bring him back. For all of us."

********

He's been meditating for what feels like hours and has not been able to find Rey in the Force. In fact, he hasn't been able to find anyone in the Force. He feels other life here, wherever he is, but reaching out into the Force is different. Limited somehow.

Pushing himself to stand, he surveys his surroundings. There are trees and vegetation, hills and mountains in the distance. The light feels good on his skin but he does not see a sun in the sky. He sends a push of the Force toward a tree to test if he can use the Force here and the leaves blow backward, a few branches breaking off from the strength of the blast.

Yes, he can use the Force. He sighs putting his hands on his hips. Given he seems to be in the middle of nowhere and he can't reach Rey through their bond, it doesn't seem like he is going anywhere anytime soon. He needs to find shelter, food, and water. It's been a long time since he's had to fend for himself on a strange planet. 

After he's done foraging for edible food and finds a cavern for shelter, the light begins to fade and it doesn't take long for the day to turn to into night. He sits on the floor of the cave near the entrance, his elbows resting on bent knees, hands joined together in front of him and he looks out at the night sky. There are a few stars speckling the darkness, but it's nothing like he has ever seen before. Something seems off about this place, though what it is he can't put his finger on.

He begins thinking of what he's tried _not_ to think about since he arrived. Those moments of bliss where he held Rey in his arms. The feeling of her in his hands, in his arms. The warmth of her hands as they brushed his cheek, her lips pressed against his, those dimples when she smiled. _Stars her smile_. It was so brilliant it was almost blinding in its radiance. There's a pang in his chest when he thinks about those few seconds they had, being held in her arms. Before he was pulled away, to here. 

What he doesn't want to think about are the moments before he brought her back. How awful she looked when he crawled out of the pit the Emperor had tossed him into. But they invade his mind without permission.

If Ben didn't have the Force, there's no way he would have survived that fall. He was injured and tired but he was not going to leave her up there with that monster alone and so he pushed his body as hard as he could, using the Force to help him climb.

When he pulled her lifeless body into his arms, if he thought he was being torn apart before, that was nothing compared to the agony he was in seeing his vibrant Jedi ashen and gray. He knows he should have healed her right away, but he knew what would happen once he did.

When Rey healed him on Kef Bir, he wasn't dead. It took a lot out of her, but not everything. Bringing her back to life would take every ounce of life force energy he had in him. All of it.

And he wanted a moment to just hold her in his arms, to be that belonging she had so desperately sought. That he had also been seeking, the belonging they'd found in each other. He wanted to just be with her because he knew when he was done healing her, there would be no more time. So he took it. He will never regret it.

He forcibly thrusts those haunting thoughts from his mind and thinks again about how she said his name, both happy and surprised but full of love. He wanted to kiss her right away but then she was talking and telling him that she knew there was still light in him, that his mother knew it too. He had tears in his eyes as she spoke, overwhelmed by her confidence that someday he would come back to the light when he himself didn't even know he would.

Then she smiled so radiantly at him. At _him_! Ben Solo. 

_"You came back for me," she practically whispers, her hands sliding up to caress his cheeks._

_Ben nods, telling her just as softly, "I told you once before, you're not alone. I meant it."_

_Then before he could do anything else she was pulling his face toward hers, capturing his lips in a kiss. He was powerless to do anything but tighten his grip around her and bask in the love she was so freely giving him. He could feel her emotions through the Force, positive she could feel his just as strongly. But time was running out._

_He isn't sure why he is still here, what deity has granted him the opportunity to kiss this miraculous woman who brought him back to himself, but he seizes it with everything he has left._

_When the kiss ends and they separate, her hands are still on his face and she admits with a smirk, "I've wanted to do that since the turbo lift."_

_She doesn't need to say any more than that because he knows exactly what she means and he laughs. It's probably the first time he's laughed since he left the Jedi Temple and it feels so good. How fitting it is that she makes him feel this bubbling joy before his time is up._

_It's then that he feels it. They are still holding each other but he is slipping away. His eyes close and he falls back. He is unable to speak the words she deserves to hear, that she was right about him, that he loves her._

********

Time has passed, though he is not sure how much time since he doesn't have a chrono on him. Maybe a few hours. He hasn't been able to sleep. He is still sitting at the cave entrance staring out at the strange night sky. He has been replaying the way it felt when Rey held him over and over, reliving how it made him feel. Such peace and calm it brought to his soul, maybe for the first time in his life. 

It's a bit unfair, isn't it? For him to turn his back on the First Order, the dark side, to be allowed to save the woman he loves, to be in her arms only for all of it to be taken away so quickly? It doesn't sit well, but life has never been fair to Ben Solo. As he contemplates the events that unfolded, a steely determination is rising in him.

He doesn't know where he is or why he is here. He doesn't think he is dead, he feels alive. Why is that? Why _wouldn't_ he be dead? He gave Rey his life force energy. He knows he gave all of it. 

Maybe...maybe this is another chance? A chance to do better, to make the right choices? To earn his way back to her? To right the wrongs he made?

He will not stop trying to reach her and he will spend whatever interminable time he has here, wherever here is, trying to figure it all out. He doesn't know how long it will take him or how he will find out what he needs to know. 

He only knows one thing for sure: he will do whatever it takes to be in her arms again.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so thrilled with the support for this story! Thank you so much dear readers for taking the time to read my little story, and leaving a kudo or a comment. I appreciate it so much! ❤
> 
> Conceived from the song "From the Grave" by James Arthur, _For the Throne: Music Inspired by the HBO Series Game of Thrones_

"Hold on BB-8, we're coming out of hyperspeed," Rey tells her round orange friend as she pulls down on the lever to bring them back to real space.

In front of the viewport is the planet she wasn't sure she would ever return to after her last visit there. She has a new purpose, however, and there is no better place to start her quest than at the First Jedi Temple.

BB-8, who has been non-stop with his questions since they left Ajan Kloss, beeps furiously at her when the planet comes into view.

"Yes, BB-8, it's the planet Master Skywalker was hiding on."

More beeps and whistles come from the droid.

"We're going there because I'm looking for something." She pauses while BB-8 asks her more questions. "No, I don't know if I will find it there - but it's as good a place to start as any. The Force is strong there."

She's tiring of BB-8's questions, not sure the droid will understand she is trying to find out how to bring back the man who pursued him across the galaxy not so long ago. Though, in the end, he wasn't the same man that ruthlessly sought the map for Luke Skywalker, was he? 

Desperate for some quiet, she sends BB-8 on a wild goose chase of an errand to find her hydro spanner, even though she has no need for it at the moment.

She takes in a deep breath and exhales it slowly as she breaks atmo and takes the controls off autopilot. Rey manually guides her way to the island she saw so many times in her dreams. She no longer needs computer navigation to get there and she wonders how she never knew where the island of her dreams was before. She's so open to the Force, it shines like a beacon in the universe to her now.

She lands the Falcon where they’d landed before, all that time ago. When the Force was so new to her and she didn't know her place in the story. Actually, perhaps she still doesn't know her place. The only thing she knows is that the story she is most interested in, the story of her and Ben, is not over yet. It can't be. It can't be - because she doesn't know how she would survive without her other half. 

In those brief moments they had together, after he brought her back from death, being in his arms for the first time and kissing him, actually kissing Ben, she was whole. She felt as if he was the other half of her soul, finally come home to nestle into her heart and take up permanent residence. She felt at peace and complete, true belonging and acceptance for the first time in her life. Now that she knows what it feels like, she needs it, craves it like air and water. Like it's a necessity of life. Without him, there can be none of that for her. If he's truly gone, she doesn't know what she’ll do, how she can go on without him. So she must do, will do, everything she can to bring him back, whatever the cost.

It turns out BB-8 is much more determined to traverse the challenging terrain that is Ahch-To than R2-D2 was. It takes him a while to catch up to Rey, but he eventually does. She isn't sure if she wants to sleep in one of the huts because of the memories she has here, particularly the one that has been rebuilt. The one blown apart when two lost souls found each other across the stars and touched, skin to skin, for the first time.

The Uneti tree that held the Jedi texts is gone now, but maybe she can find other relics in Luke's hut or in the temple. After all, she'd only been on the island a handful of days the first time. The second time was even shorter. She's never really had time to explore like a proper scavenger. She shivers when she thinks she should also explore the cave again. Her first trip down there was less than impressive, but she’s different now. She knows where she comes from, who is important to her, who loves her. If she asks a different question, maybe she'll get a different answer.

"I'm going up to the temple," she informs the droid. "You don't have to come all the way up there. I know the steps are difficult for you." 

Her hand is on her hip, knee bent as she turns her gaze to the rock meditation plinth outside the opening of the temple high above. 

She points, "I'm going all the way up there."

BB-8 vibrates and trills excitedly and she turns back to him with a smile. "Yeah, it's a long way up," she agrees. "And yes, I'll be careful."

She begins climbing the steps that lead the way to the top of the island and turns back before she gets very far.

"Actually, there's something you could do for me, BB-8. Could you search whatever archives you can access for anything on a Force Dyad? There may also be something on Force Bonds or 'two that are one'," she explains to her friend.

The orange ball squiggles back and forth, tilting its dome at her while beeping a question.

"It's...it's just something I need to know more about. Anything you can find, okay?" she repeats, her eyebrows raised.

BB-8 tips his dome to her and answers in the affirmative; she nods back at the droid and smiles. 

"Thanks," she says as she turns back to the massive stone staircase in front of her.

When she gets to the top, she’s breathing harshly. Not only from climbing stairs - but the air is a bit thinner up here.

She looks at the mosaic in the middle of the temple. Luke never spoke about it, but she has wondered about it from the first time she laid eyes on it. She's read a few references to someone or something called the Prime Jedi in the sacred texts, but it was never expanded upon. She doesn't have anything concrete to tie this image to the name or title Prime Jedi, but she just has this feeling they’re related somehow.

Maybe that's something else she should have BB-8 looking into, she thinks to herself.

She looks around the inside of the temple for a while, checking to see if there are any hidden openings, like Luke had in his hut, or if there is anything else she could find useful. An artifact maybe?

Bored with searching and finding nothing, she moves toward the plinth and settles herself in the meditation position. She breathes slowly and heavily, in through the nose, out through the mouth. She begins to let her mind sink into the Force, expanding out from herself to the temple around her, the island, the planet and into the galaxy.

She is seeking Ben's Force signature, finding bright glowing spots all over, but none of them are Ben. She keeps pushing outward, searching and reaching. All to no avail. She cannot feel him, cannot find him. Where is he?

She can't find him the usual way through the Force, so she reaches deep inside herself grasps the connection they share, picturing it in her mind like it's a string. A tether that stretches from her to him, a pathway that she hopes will enable them to find each other wherever they are. She focuses on raising it to the surface instead of leaving it in the undercurrent. She follows along its track, winding her way through the galaxy towards him when the sound of the island vanishes.

"Rey," she hears in a deep voice from behind her. 

Her heart beats a tremendous thud in her chest before she practically falls off the plinth in her rush to turn around to who she knows is there to greet her.

Her eyes are wide and the shock and relief are evident on her features while she makes eye contact with an equally astonished Ben.

Ben.

The tears are already gathering in her eyes and she lets out a pained sob, launching her body toward him through the entrance into the temple.

She barely has time to capture the look on his face before she is wrapping herself around him like a Dagobah python to a gnarltree, never once considering they might not be able to make physical contact. It's a moot point now, because she is enveloped in his embrace so tightly she can barely breathe. Truthfully, right now breathing is completely overrated. Being held in these massive and strong arms is all she needs to live.

Her tears are falling in earnest now, and they hold on to each other in a way that they've never done before, the way she wanted to embrace him after he saved her life but was denied. His body is quaking and she knows he’s crying too, though he seems to be getting himself under control much quicker than she is.

His hands are sliding up her back to her neck and to her hair, trying to pull her back - but she won't let go. 

What if he disappears again if I let go?

"Rey," he croons softly, attempting to separate them and remove the stranglehold she has on him. "Rey, it's okay," he whispers, using that same soft voice he used when he spoke to her in the turbo lift on their way to Snoke. "Shh. It's okay." 

Finally, she relents and loosens her grip, allowing a small space to come between them as she pulls her head back to look at his face. His skin is smooth and scarless, with no cuts or bruises like the last time she saw him. His lips are the same plump red they have always been. And his eyes, oh his eyes. The way he is looking at her, like she’s a precious and rare gem, like she’s something to be revered. No one but him has ever looked at her this way. It reminds her of the way he looked at her just before he-. She chokes back a sob at the thought.

Her hands run across his broad shoulders and drift into his hair. It's so soft and thick; she's always wanted to run her fingers through it. She clutches a fistful in each hand as she holds him close.

"Ben," she croaks as she pulls his head down to rest his forehead against hers.

Her breaths are shaky from crying, but she’s trying to get herself under control. It's the bond that has brought him to her and she knows their time together is limited. She doesn't want to waste it by crying.

"Ben," she starts, but her voice cracks and she has to swallow the knot in her throat to try to steady herself. "Ben, what happened? Where did you go? Are you...are you...dead?"

He smiles, just like he did after she kissed him on Exegol and her heart soars. His smile is so beautiful it hurts. She didn't know his smile would be something that could make her feel so much.

"I thought so at first. I felt myself fading - and then I couldn't speak. Then...nothing. The next thing I knew, I woke up in some strange place," he finishes as he briefly glances around his surroundings before returning his sight to her.

"Where are you? I can't find you in the Force. I used to be able to feel you, feel our bond, but now it's like there’s a wall," she tells him desperately.

"I have no idea where I am, but I can't feel you either," he replies with a shake of his head, his lips pressing together in a line. "I've meditated for hours and I can't find anyone in the Force, but I can still feel the Force and use it. It's very odd."

Rey furrows her brows and tilts her head. "I saw you disappear, but I didn't feel you die. You were just here one moment and gone the next," she explains, the confusion in her voice evident.

"What is it like where you are?" she asks him.

He pulls back a little further from her and her hands slide down from his luscious locks to those burly shoulders of his that she’s secretly admired since the Force first connected them.

"There's no sun, but there is light. The light feels strange, it's not warm like sunlight. When it became night, it happened very quickly. With no sun, there's no sunset or dusk. Just a very brief twilight and then it's dark."

He looks up and continues, "The sky is blue and there are clouds, but you can see the stars during the day." His head turns to the side. "There are trees and plants, dirt, grass, mountains, caverns. I hear a few animals but there doesn't seem to be any insects."

He focuses his attention back on her.

"It's like no place I've ever been before. Or heard of," he says seriously, his eyes narrowing.

Rey's brain is working overtime to think if she's read anything in the texts about a place like this, but she isn't coming up with anything. And as much as she wants to know about this strange place he is in, it isn't what she really wants to talk about.

"Ben. You came back for me on Exegol. You brought me back to life. You-" she begins, but she can't get through her sentence before tears begin to make themselves known again.

His hands cup her face, his thumbs wiping away the tears that trail down her cheeks. His dark eyes bore into hers and he brings his face level with hers.

"Shh, shh. It's okay," he soothes her as her hands wrap around his wrists and she gazes at him pleadingly.

"Why? Why did you come back for me?" 

She needs to know what happened. Why after all this time he changed his mind.

Rey waits while he contemplates what to say. His jaw is tight and he’s chewing on the inside of his cheek, his lips rolling as he does so.

"You healed me. After you...struck me, you knelt next to me and healed me with your life Force," he says, his eyes beginning to glisten. "And then you told me you wanted to take my hand."

He has to pause to compose himself and he’s chewing on his cheek again. Rey thinks it must be something he does when he’s emotional to steady himself. She recognizes the movements from Snoke's throne room when he asked her to join him.

"Rey, no one's ever wanted to take my hand. Not like what you meant." He glances down before his eyes come back up to meet hers. "I was never sure how you felt about me. When you rejected me on the Supremacy, I thought...I thought you just wanted Ben Solo to help the Resistance. Not for you."

More tears leak from her eyes and he continues wiping them away.

"But when you healed me," he swallows deeply, "When you saved my life, that's when I knew. I knew you truly cared about me. The real me."

"I do, Ben. I always have," she confesses in a teary voice and he gives her a small smile.

"After you left, I wasn't sure what to do. Then my fa-," he stutters and stops before continuing, "My father came to me. I know it was only my memory, but it seemed so real. He wasn't Force-sensitive, there's no way he could come back as a Force Ghost," he tells her adamantly. "But there he was telling me that I did have the strength to do what I knew I had to.

"So I threw my lightsaber into the sea and started figuring out how I was going to get off that planet to find you," he finishes and he's shaking as he holds her in his hands. "I could feel your confusion and your disappointment in yourself. I couldn't let you face Palpatine alone."

"Oh, Ben," she laments with him and presses her forehead to his.

"You killed Kylo Ren, Rey," he says and she sees his throat bob as he swallows. "It started the moment I met you. You have always made me want to be a better man."

A few more moments go by as they try to stabilize themselves emotionally. Then suddenly they are kissing. She doesn't know who moved first and she doesn't care.

All she knows is that his beautiful, soft lips are pressed against hers and those huge, powerful arms that can wreak such destruction are wrapping around her, bringing her flush against him. Her hands again slip into his lush hair. Their lips open and close over each other again and again until she feels his tongue glide across her bottom lip. She swipes her own tongue along his upper lip and before long, their kisses have turned passionate, their tongues stroking against each other in a sacred, fiery dance. A satisfied rumble comes from deep in his throat and she answers it with her own high pitched mewl.

Until she kissed Ben on Exegol, she'd never kissed anyone before. She doesn't really know what she’s doing, she’s just following her instincts on what feels good. And kissing Ben feels amazing. His mouth is so warm and soft and welcoming. The feel of his hot tongue as he explores her mouth and her lips is thrilling and her pulse is thundering in her ears. A desperate heat is coiling inside her as his hands caress her back softly. She marvels at how gentle this mountain of a man can be.

They're both panting when he breaks off the kiss and he's staring into her eyes with a hunger she's only seen on the face of Kylo Ren.

"Rey." His breaths are heavy for another moment before he finishes, "I will do whatever it takes to get back. Wherever I am, I will figure it out and I will come back for you, sweetheart. I promise." 

He strokes her hair along the edge of her face again and leans in to drop quick chaste kisses on her pink swollen lips.

"Do you believe me?" he asks as if she doubts his sincerity or determination.

"Yes, Ben. I believe you," she assures him with a smile.

They stare at each other for several more moments, saying a thousand things to each other with just their eyes and their smiles.

"Rey, I l-" Ben starts to say, but he’s gone before he can finish his sentence.

Rey stands in the temple by herself, her hands still in the air where they had been buried in Ben's hair. The bond has snapped shut, abruptly leaving her feeling bereft after being held in a way she's never been held before. 

She's been embraced by her friends, sure. But she's never been held by a man who just kissed the living daylights out of her.

Her hands drop to her sides and she falls to her knees as she lets the emptiness of his absence wash over her. Her eyes are pricking again and she shakes her head to keep them at bay.

Her fingers rise to her lips and she closes her eyes to remember his kisses and his promise. If the Force connected them once here on Ahch-To, it will do so again. She just has to be patient. 

Rey can be patient. She knows all about waiting.

********

"-ove you," he completes, but Rey has evaporated. The bond closed without warning and he is left with his arms raised and encircling the air where his beloved just stood wrapped up tight in his embrace a fraction of a second ago. His arms descend and he lets out a noisy exhale as his chin drops to his chest.

His pulse is still racing from their kisses and what he was about to confess. He feels a pang in his heart from being pulled away from her too soon, but that’s always been the way for them. Both in-person and through the Force: never enough time.

He’s always been thankful for the bond bringing them together, but to have her in his arms just now? To kiss her? Hear Rey tell him she’s always cared about him? It’s truly a gift from the Force. A bounty richer than he’s ever deserved in his miserable life.

Bringing his hands to his hips, he glances around and figures he has some exploring to do. He’s just made a promise he intends to keep and the sooner he figures out where he is, the sooner he can figure out how to get back to Rey. That's all that matters to him.

He has realized in a disturbingly short period of time just how shamefully shallow his goals have been. His destiny. He scoffs in derision at the thought. There had never been a 'grand plan of destiny' for him. It was all lies, all manipulations by a man who wanted his power back. No more, no less. Like his grandfather before him, he was nothing but a pawn, a holochess piece being moved strategically about to accomplish an end. An end he was never meant to share in. It's so blatantly clear now and he lets out a harsh laugh of disgust at himself. 

What an absolute fool he's been. If it wasn't for Rey, he would still be caught in that delusion he was fed since he was a child. Now that the truth has been unveiled, he feels in his bones that Luke never lied about Anakin turning back to the light, as Snoke made him believe. Now he wonders if Snoke and Palpatine were also manipulating his uncle. Were they able to manipulate his mother? His father? He'll probably never have the answers to those questions, but one thing is for certain, nothing about his 30-year battle with the light and dark inside him has been straightforward, nothing ever what it seemed.

He sees now how his own self-doubt and self-loathing played right into the Emperor's half-deformed hands. Luke always did say he was his own worst enemy. His lips twist and his nostrils flare as if there is an unpleasant odor in the air. If there is anything worse than Luke actually being right about something, he doesn't know what it is.

He explores where he is now, taking in the flora and the fauna. There doesn't seem to be any logic to the animals and creatures he comes across. Some that would have been considered extremely dangerous seem content to briefly look at him disinterestedly and then resume whatever they were doing. He's never seen such a vicious looking beast (is it a jackobeast?) so docile. 

And is that...is that a Loth wolf? Aren't those native to Lothal? What is one doing here? Not to mention that most believe the Force-sensitive creatures were the stuff of legends and myths. He's certainly never actually seen one and is surprised how large they are in real life. But then, this isn't real life, is it? His wonder is interrupted by the fact that he’s somewhere not in the real world. But where?

There were stories of a place called Mortis, ruled by the Father, the Son, and the Daughter. Could that be where he is? It was said to be another realm in the Force outside the known galaxy. Though the stories allege it was lost to the Force long ago and no longer exists. Maybe the stories were wrong about it being destroyed?

He continues to walk as his brain rifles through as many old stories and legends about the Force that he's ever heard or read about. He is coming up blank, though. In the distance is a stone structure that he begins to make his way toward it.

As he approaches the edifice, he sees a symbol repeated again and again. It’s that of a humanoid figure, half white, half black sitting in a meditation position, holding a lightsaber that divides the entire image, everything opposite of what it touches. He's never seen it before, but if he were to guess, he would say it symbolizes balance. 

He reaches the center of the structure and there is a giant mosaic of the symbol in the middle made out of smooth stone tiles. Looking a bit closer at this large representation, he notices that the white color fades slowly into the darker color and vice versa. He's puzzled about what this means. There is a lot of white and black in the image, but he’s surprised to see when he really examines it that there is actually more gray than either of the other two colors. Puzzling indeed.

Before long, that brief twilight is upon him and he decides to take shelter in this building, knowing that he won't have enough time to get back to his cave. 

As he settles in a spot against a wall, he thinks this is possibly a temple of some sort. He knows Luke had been searching for the First Jedi Temple. That would be millennia old - and he has no idea what that might look like. Is where he is the First Jedi Temple? It's a possibility. It certainly would explain why his uncle was never able to find it, because it didn't exist in the same plane of existence as the rest of the galaxy. Is it a place one can only reach upon death?

He leans his head back against the rock wall, replaying his interaction with Rey in his mind. He was so relieved when the Force connected them. He was able to see her and touch her just like all the other times the Force brought them together. It's what convinced him that he was not dead. Up until he touched her, he really wasn't sure.

If he thought the kiss they shared on Exegol was the greatest moment of his life, the second kiss between them exceeded every possible notion of what kissing her might be like. He could feel her passion echoing his own, Rey just as desperate to connect with him physically as he was to connect with her.

And her tears. He both hates that she cries for him and revels in it. When was the last time someone cried over him? Cared enough to shed tears? But he knows he has caused her so much pain over the last year and he doesn't want to be responsible for any more of it. He only wants her to be happy, to see that brilliant smile of hers shining up at him. She has suffered enough in her young life.

If she has decided that it is he who brings her happiness, who is he to deny her? He will be whatever she wants him to be - because she is the only thing that matters to him. Rey, the woman who believed in him when no one else did. Who offered her hand to a monster, who shipped herself into the belly of the beast to rescue him. Yes, Ben Solo has always felt too much - but he will never regret what he feels for this remarkable woman. And he will give her everything he can. Just as soon as he finds his way back to her.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave me a comment or kudo. It is the lifeblood of writing.
> 
> Follow me or drop me a line on Tumblr [@greyforceuser](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/greyforceuser) or Twitter [@forcegrey ](https://twitter.com/ForceGrey)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to Perry Downing for the alpha read. 💗

Chapter 3

Time moves strangely where he is. There's no warning when it becomes night or day, no fading in or out like dusk or sunrise. Times of light sometimes stretch for what seems like much longer than a typical standard day cycle; times of darkness ridiculously short. To say his sleeping is way off is an understatement of considerable proportion.

He’s exploring the large temple looking for anything he can find that might tell him where he is and what he’s doing there. He progresses through the building slowly, taking in details he catalogs for potential future use. When he reaches the top floor of the temple, there is a plinth located several feet from a large opening to the outside terrace. A dome is positioned high above, but is made of some type of clear material, though none of the structure appears to have any type of durasteel,transparisteel, or any other modern building material for that matter. Rays of light shine down upon the meditation rock as if it’s a spotlight, though without a sun shining from the correct angle in the sky, he isn’t sure how that can physically be.

Just in front of the pedestal is a huge mosaic, the same figure he’s seen throughout his journey through the maze of rooms. In some places, the image is big and bold, in others small and hidden or with other symbols he doesn’t yet know what to make of.

His investigating is not yielding the desired results, thus he decides to take a different approach. He’s not sure why meditating and asking the Force for help didn’t occur to him sooner, but it may have something to do with the shadowy ominous voices telling him dark things the times he did seek guidance in the past. Now, of course, he knows it was never really the Force answering him at all, just evil men who wanted to use him. And like the young, insecure fool he was, desperate for acceptance and acknowledgment, he took all of it as absolute truth. 

Absolute. He chuckles bitterly as he recalls the saying “only a Sith deals in absolutes”. Snoke never called himself a Sith, but he clearly was in league with one. So certain was he that there was no use for the light, that only the dark side could give him the kind of power he sought. Now he knows that Snoke was some kind of scientific experiment gone wrong, a perverted creation of Palpatine's. Nevertheless, the humanoid hammered into Ben's brain for so many years that he was destined for power and greatness, that it was his birthright. And that he could only achieve his true potential by surrendering to the dark.

It's so clear to him now just how thoroughly he'd been manipulated and brainwashed, from the very beginning of his life. But with no one to guide him, to believe in him, he hadn't stood a chance against that kind of evil. He's not even sure he ever even wanted the power Snoke told him would be his. He kind of just followed orders if he really thinks about it.

Ben may have tried to commit himself fully to the dark side but knows now that he’s _always_ had too much light inside him to ever be successful in that endeavor. In truth, he just longed to _belong somewhere_ more than he was ever determined to become a disciple of darkness. 

Not to mention this minor thing called a ' _Dyad in the Force'_ that connects him to Rey. Light is _literally_ part of him because of her, in addition to his own that he tried so hard to deny. Yes, there is also darkness inside her; he’s certainly felt it, has seen it. But it is grossly outshined by the blinding brilliance of the light inside her. How could he ever find comfort in the dark when there was the healing warmth of her light, constantly beckoning him to her? Making him _crave_ to be in her presence? 

His attempt to double-down on the dark after she rejected him on the Supremacy was a monumental failure. He went through the motions diligently, put on an excellent exhibition for Pryde, Hux and his subordinates, but his heart wasn’t in it. _At all_. His heart was light-years away, in the hands of the Last Jedi.

He sits in the lotus position on the stone, clearing his mind from thoughts about the past. The question, of course, is will the Force tell him anything? If he sits here, meditates and asks, will it just be a waste of time or will he actually get an answer? It's not like there are any welcome signs to tell him where he is. He supposes this is as good as any other effort to get the information he needs.

He closes his eyes and sinks into the Force and before long, he is drifting along, sensing all of the life around him. Though he can only stretch out so far until he hits a wall. It's like it was before, he can feel the Force but apparently nothing outside of the planet, or plane, he is on.

He sends his query out into the Force around him: _Where am I? What am I doing here?_

As he expected, there is no immediate answer to his call. He persists. He reaches out to all the lifeforms he can find and nudges them. He feels them sense his presence but they just continue on with whatever it is they are doing. 

He again asks the questions he desperately wants answers to: _Why is he here? Why was he spared from death? Will he be sent back? How does he get back to Rey?_ Even in his own head, he can hear his voice become more severe as he repeats himself, over and over.

"So impatient, you are," a voice calls to him out of nowhere.

Ben does not recognize the voice at all. It's deep with a ghostly echo. Is it the Force itself speaking to him?

"Who are you?" he demands.

"Open your eyes and you will know the truth," he hears the voice respond.

With a sigh, Ben opens his eyes and searches the space around him. Turning quickly, he sees behind him a tall figure, looking very much like the image he has seen throughout this temple.

"Who are you?" he barks, his lips turned downward, brows furrowing. 

The man, apparition, ghost chuckles. "Are you so blind?"

Annoyed, Ben responds with, "Of course I recognize you from the images in this temple, but I have no knowledge of who you are. Explain yourself." 

The large being scoffs, narrowing his eyes upon Ben. "It is I who should be demanding _you_ to explain. Why you are here in _my realm_ ," he laughs. 

Ben presses his lips together and stays silent.

The figure walks around a stationary Ben, his hands clasped behind his back as he paces. He takes in the seated form, assessing, appraising, sensing.

"Ah, yes. I see now," the creature remarks. His large head, bald except for the braid trailing down the back of his neck, nods as he continues to move in a circle. "You are here because you need to be."

Then he stops abruptly, casting his gaze upon Ben with intensity. "A Skywalker," he says, his orbs widening. His head tilts to the side as if seeing the man before him in an entirely new light. "How unexpected."

Ben turns his head to follow the entity as he continues treading a path around him.

"Is it?" Ben mutters sarcastically. "Interesting?" 

"Yes. Most interesting," the figure answers.

"Who are you?" Ben inquires, this time thinking he may actually get an answer.

"What do your feelings tell you?"  
  


Ben rolls his eyes, much preferring a simple answer to riddles. But he does as he is bid and searches inside himself, recalling all the images he has seen throughout the temple. The same one over and over again, clearly important but previously unknown to him. Now, in the presence of this being, it all comes rushing into him like a tidal wave. It's as if a door has been opened in his mind and he is flooded with knowledge.

"The Prime Jedi," Ben answers with confidence, his own eyes now growing large.

"Your instincts serve you well, young one."

"Where am I?"

"Mirasaal," he hears the Prime Jedi answer.

Ben looks around as if his surroundings will tell him more than the large humanoid before him has.

He narrows his eyes and dips his chin. "Is that name supposed to mean something to me?"

"Perhaps not. I know it as my home. You may have heard of it as where balance in the Force exists."

Shaking his head, Ben responds quickly. "I have not heard of Mirasaal. Neither of my masters spoke of it."

He feels the entity before him enter his mind. It's not at all painful, it just is.

The Prime Jedi laughs. "Your _masters_ ," he scoffs. "More like your captors. Small-minded and corrupted they were."

"What do you mean, corrupted?"

"Light side of the Force; the dark side of the Force," he sneers. "Neither exists in isolation, only in conjunction with the other. The Jedi, Sith; these are made-up constructs, conjured by the weak and fearful."

Ben only stares in disbelief, the basis of everything he has been taught since he was a boy ripped from him like a bacta-patch off a wound.

"The Force is not divided, it is balanced!" the Prime Jedi cries. He begins pacing again.

"It is not light nor dark; it simply _is_ . Only one's intent gives way to lightness or darkness; good or evil. Choice," the being explains, "is the key. What is it that _you_ choose, young one?"

Standing ramrod straight, Ben just stares at the larger man, unbelieving. Since he was young, he was taught there were two sides of the Force. He was warned about the pull of the dark side. He _felt_ it. Ignoring the temptation was difficult, but he did his absolute best as he trained to be a Jedi, until he could no longer resist.

Then once he was with Snoke, having surrendered to the seduction of the dark, he felt the draw to the light. He was tortured no matter what side he was on. In fact, the more he contemplated it, the only times he felt no conflict was when he was with Rey. With her, he felt... _balance_. Though he hadn't identified it as such at the time, now examining his feelings carefully, it was true. With Rey, he felt neither all dark nor all light; he just felt _right_. Whole.

It was an epiphany. How has he never seen this before? He assumed that being with her meant he had given in to the light. And that being without her meant he was dark. Never once has he thought about being _balanced_. He's never been taught to work towards that. Now having it explained to him, it all seems so obvious.

Yes, darkness was indeed in both of his and Rey's natures, yet both of them are able to _heal_. And that requires compassion and selflessness. Those are _not_ dark traits, they are light. It is not the dark side that allowed him to transfer his life energy to Rey on Exegol. Even one such as him, with so much darkness inside, is able to use the light side of the Force.

"Ah, I sense your acknowledgment of the balance. Excellent. That will make the work before us easier," the ghostly being remarks.

"What do you mean, work?" he questions, his brow furrowing.

"The Trials, of course."

"Trials? What trials? What are you talking about? I need to get back to Rey. Tell me how to get back to Rey," he entreats, annoyed with more non-information.

"I understand your desire to get back to your other half, however, you must first pass the Trials in order to face what is to come."

"What is to come? What do you mean 'what is to come'?" Ben hurls at the larger figure. 

"One thing at a time, young one. First are the Seven Trials."

Ben visibly deflates. "You mean the Seven Trials to become a Jedi Knight? No thanks. I thought you said the Jedi was a construct created by the weak," he cites with disdain.

"There is much you need to learn. Yes, the so-called 'Jedi' as you know it co-opted the Trials and adapted them to their own purpose, but the trials in their original form are _not_ about resisting the dark side. The Seven Trials are about balance." The Prime Jedi paused for effect, a knowing smile upon his countenance. "The best lies always have a basis in the truth."

"What do you mean, lies?"

"You were taught the ways of the Jedi, yes?" the being asks.

"Yes," Ben replies begrudgingly.

"And when you were taught, were you taught about balance or something else?"

Ben doesn't answer right away. He just stares at the creature in front of him contemplating his answer. What _was_ he taught? When he was with Luke he was taught that the way of the Jedi was to embrace the light and to eschew the dark. There was much talk about "centering" oneself, but not about balance per se.

"I was taught about the virtues of the light and the danger of the dark," he finally answers.

"Ah, yes. Embrace the light and avoid the dark," the large man says, pacing once again and shaking his head. Finally, he stops in front of the mosaic on the floor and stares at it.

"Tell me," the Prime Jedi commands. "When you look upon this imagery, what do you see? What notions does it conjure?"

Directing his gaze at the floor, Ben considers his answer. _What does he think of?_ He hasn't actually studied the image all that closely. Each side is in the opposite of the other. A dark figure is encased in white with a dark 'eye'. The other side is a white (or light) figure encased in black with a black 'eye'. A lightsaber bisects the two sides, one side light, and one side dark. In a word, _balance_.

"Balance. Each side is in balance with the other," he hears himself answer confidently, shifting his gaze to the man.

"A mystery to solve, this image is not," the large man remarks acerbically. He moves to stand in the open archway to the outside, his legs spread and his hands clasped behind his back.

"The Order of the Jedi. Yes, it was called that in the beginning. But the Order did not start in the way it has come to be known. Not the way you learned of it or were indoctrinated," he states, pausing with a sigh. "The Jedi were about balance. Utilizing and absorbing the Force in its entirety. When one became unbalanced, either to the light or the dark, they were to meditate and work towards the balance. 

"On Tython, they had the moons of the Ashla and the Bogan, the light and dark. When a Jedi veered too far to one side, they went to the opposing moon to meditate until they achieved balance, the Bendu. Then they were allowed to return to Tython."

There is a stone bench inside the chamber and Ben walks over and sits, his forearms resting on his knees as he considers the words of this ancient being.

Turning, the Prime Jedi lands his gaze on Ben and he feels as if he sees right through him to every mistake he's ever made. When Ben nervously shifts his eyes to the graphic on the floor once more, the bald man strides to the other side to stand directly opposite of him.

"In other places, achieving balance was less prescribed. There were places in the galaxy where one could find Force nexus points to help achieve balance. Dagobah, for example, has a dark side vergence, yet Ahch-To had both a light side _and_ a dark side nexus. It's what made it the perfect location for the First Temple; the perfect place to find balance."

Ben nods in understanding but isn’t sure where the conversation is going so remains still and silent, waiting for the Prime Jedi to continue.

Pacing once again, the seemingly omniscient being continues his story.

"It was when the Jedi began to spread out across the galaxy, to places where the balance was harder to achieve that the schism began. The further away from Ahch-To one went, to places where balanced nexus points were absent, the more difficult it was to not only achieve balance but to teach it to others. Those nearer dark side vergences who did not diligently work to maintain balance often succumbed to their dark impulses. It wasn't long before the Sith were born. Yet there were just as many who couldn't maintain balance that _feared_ the dark side so much that they skewed towards the light.

"It was only a few hundred years when the Order of the Jedi, originally founded on the principle of balance, became distorted and espoused only the light, renouncing the dark. And the balance along with it."

Disbelief crosses Ben's face. This is an accounting of history he's never heard and he listened to every story Luke and Lor San Tekka ever knew about the history of the Jedi and the Church of the Force. He knows much of the history of the Jedi was purged by the Empire, but surely the very beginning of the Jedi Order hasn't been completely lost to time? Yet when he thinks about Rey, not indoctrinated in any type of dogma, she uses both the light side and dark side of the Force effortlessly, never caught in either for an indefinite length of time. She seems, for lack of a better word, in balance. On Kef Bir, she was able to essentially kill him in one breath and heal him in the next. This gives him pause to the implications of it all.

Could his feelings all those years ago back in Luke's academy about the Jedi be right? That the Jedi, in fact, did _not_ have all the answers? That family and attachment were not to be feared? That emotions from the dark side were natural? That he could have both sides of the Force residing in him and that was actually okay? Appropriate, in fact?

His heart starts pounding and his breathing speeds up at the ramifications of what he has just heard. When he was training to be a Jedi, he constantly felt the pull of the dark yet when he was under Snoke, he was called to the light. Maybe he was _supposed_ to feel the draw of the opposing side of the Force he was pledging himself to. It was the Force's way of telling him he needed to rebalance between the two.

The Prime Jedi turns back to the horizon and remains silent, allowing Ben to fully absorb the truth of the Force, of the Jedi. He's staring at the man's back, narrowing his eyes as he tries to formulate a coherent thought, given how fast his mind is racing with this new information.

"I sense your confusion and excitement," the figure proclaims sagely. "It's a common response when one finds out the _true nature_ of the Force. Not many do, truth be told. But those that do react much like you are."

"How are you the Prime Jedi who believes in the balance between the light and dark when the Jedi Order adheres only to the light?" he asks, formulating the rest of his sentence while still pondering these revelations. "That makes no sense."

The man laughs humorlessly. "Right you are. The title I was given was a misnomer. Do you know where the term 'Jedi' comes from?"

Frowning, Ben racks his brain before he realizes he has no clue where the word 'Jedi' came from.

"No."

"Once, so long ago it is hard to recall, my name _was Jedi_ ," Ben hears as the being maintains his stance and posture in front of him.

"What?" Ben shakes his head, closing his eyes as he does so, his brow furrowing.

"My name. It's been lost to the winds of time," he hears the man respond whimsically. "But once, my given name was Jedi."

"Your name is 'Jedi'," Ben states. "So the entire Jedi Order is named after you?"

Ben watches as the entity nods before turning to face him. "It is. Not that I asked for it to be so," he assures. "Those around me were impressed and affected by my ability to achieve balance with little effort. Thus they tried to emulate me. Once there was a large group, they called themselves the 'Order of the Jedi' and proclaimed me the 'Prime Jedi'. And that's when I became both someone and no one."

Ben stares at his companion, utter confusion running rampant through him.

It's been over two weeks since the bond connected Rey with Ben. She doesn't know what to make of it. She's gone to the temple every day to meditate, hoping she will be connected with her other half.

Yet no matter how long she mediates or what her approach to her meditation is, she does not feel him in the Force and she does not see him. Is she doing something wrong? Are they awake at different times of the day? Why isn't the bond connecting them? And why doesn't she feel him at all?

Ahch-To is the same as it was the first time she was there; inhospitable. The caretakers ignore her. She is nothing but a nuisance to them. She uses Luke's fishing spear for sustenance but she is wondering how long she can stay here. Is staying here, waiting for the Force to connect her to Ben again the right move? Or should she move on to find out what she can about the Dyad and how she can connect with him purposefully?

What she does know, is that she is desperate to see him, to feel him. Her body and soul have had a taste of belonging and both are desperate for it to reappear. Every day she goes without connecting with Ben, with the other half of her soul is a day closer to death.

The moments in which she healed him on Kef Bir and when he restored her with his life Force on Exegol have been the most fulfilling and satisfying of her life. Not to mention the glorious kiss they shared. She’s not sure if life is worth living if she doesn't have Ben in hers.

It's day 17 and she’s on the _Falcon_ to check for messages. Finn, Ria bless him, has been leaving her messages every day about his confidence in her and his desire for her to return to Ajan Kloss.

But she can't return, no matter how pretty and heartfelt his requests. They will never understand her connection to Ben, nor what she lost when he disappeared on Exegol. She has to do everything she can to get him back and she has not the first clue how to do so. 

Per her usual routine as of late, she deletes Finn's message and departs the ship for another pilgrimage up to the Temple. Once there, she assumes her position on the meditation plinth and closes her eyes. She reaches out into the Force for Ben, just like she does two times every day in this very place.

To her great surprise and delight, today is different. Today, instead of nothingness in the Force. She feels _him_. He's there and she feels the happiest she's been since she was in his arms two weeks ago.

She hears him speak to her in that same voice from the turbo-lift to Snoke's throne room.

"Rey." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on getting to chapter 3. I also started a canon divergent story, "Good Boy Ben Solo and Dark Rey", if you're interested in more canon link below.
> 
> Twitter is yucky, Tumblr is where it's at. Come find me there. [@greyforceuser](https://greyforceuser.tumblr.com/)
> 
> My other works if you're interested:  
> WIP  
> [I am Beautiful With You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22685659/chapters/54221830) 3/10 - Canon Divergent - Good boy Ben and Dark Rey - NEW  
> [This Is How Life Strikes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15624126/chapters/36278217) \- Modern AU, office romance - just published Chap 23.
> 
> COMPLETED  
> [Let's Meet Under the Mistletoe](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17180975/chapters/40396676) 7/7 **COMPLETE -Christmas Reylo**  
> [Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow!](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17081243/chapters/40167917) 4/4 **Complete - Winter Fluffy Fun**  
> [Love is a Misunderstanding Between Two Fools](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16410599/chapters/38417672) 4/4 **Complete - Halloween and Costumes**  
> 


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